Maybe you’ve been through the following scene yourself: you’re in the store to get a feel and take a closer look at the instruments there. Maybe you’re in that particular store because that particular store has, for example, that particular drum set that you’ve been into for a while.
And there it stands, in all its glory. The surface appears noble, the chrome-plated hardware shines, the cymbals gleam. You want to get on the drums and play. Let it affect you. It just seems to be calling you, “Come join me, we’re having fun!”
Now there’s problem: you first have to find and approach a vendor to get them to go to the set with you and let you play by saying, “Hi, I’m interested in that set over there.”
And on the way there, you notice how you suddenly feel like you’ve lost your breath. Because when you’re about to play – you’re playing in front of an audience! There may be other customers in the store; but most importantly, there is the salesperson – a professional! If you’re a hobbyist and you sit down right away at the desirable drum set, it doesn’t matter what you do – you can only embarrass yourself in front of the seller! PLEASE, THE EARTH OPEN UP AND SWALLOW ME! (Or, even better, the salesperson…)
Sounds familiar? Then read on now to find out,
- why it doesn’t matter how well you play
- how to make the seller your friend
- how your brain plays a trick on you by allowing competitive thinking
Why the thought “I’m not good enough” is a dangerous brain turbulence, and how you can get through it without damage
The thought of not being good enough – and even more so the feeling associated with that thought – pops up in almost every situation where you encounter perceived competition. Us humans tend to constantly measure ourselves against others – even (or especially) when we don’t know them and will probably never see them again.
Unconsciously, we are concerned with finishing better than the other person in this measurement – namely, not to fail in front of ourselves. Of course, that also means that everyone in the store is subconsciously measuring themselves against you! Whether this measuring process causes negative thoughts or feelings is ultimately a question of self-awareness and has actually almost nothing to do with the ability.
And that is exactly where the danger lies:even if the other person should be “better” than you in a certain situation (for example, because you have just started to play the drums, while the other person has been playing regularly for many years), this doesn’t matter for the given situation – but it does for your self-confidence: you feel inferior and confirmed in your approach that you are not “good enough”.
I call this mechanism “brain turbulence” because it can all too easily jolt you and knock you out of the sky. Just a moment ago you had entered the store full of curiosity and anticipation, and suddenly you are distracted and unsure.
So you are well advised to be prepared for such brain turbulences and to react accordingly. The good news is: it’s not difficult!
Keep your stability in a brain turbulence with these two steps
If you notice in the music store that the thought creeps up on you somehow that you are not good enough, then realize that this is an illusion and that the rating or the comparison with others in the store does not matter at all. It’s all about you – you alone are the benchmark.
- Identify brain turbulence by becoming aware of negative thoughts and feelings and recognizing them as a natural mechanism.
- This gives you the power to consciously ignore this mechanism (i.e. the exposed brain turbulence) and focus specifically on yourself as the only valid measuring stick in the room.
So mentally degrade all possible “competitors” lurking around the store in the form of other customers into unimportant beings and focus on the salesperson. If you also fear him as a competitor, then degrading him is not enough. On the contrary, you have to promote him internally – make him your best friend!
How to make the salesman your friend
As a rule, the seller enjoys professional status from the start. He must be a professional, otherwise he wouldn’t be the salesman, right?
Be careful. Remember that it’s you who gives the salesman his status! Don’t put him on a throne. Respect him, but don’t look up too high at him. Your goal is to be at eye level with the salesperson. And a good salesperson will also always look to get on the same eye level as you. As is usual with friends. Accordingly, you should strictly avoid inwardly falling on your knees in front of the salesperson. Because down there, eye level is not possible.
The salesman has no interest whatsoever in competing with you or rating you based on your skill. He knows that’s not why you’re here. He is interested in making you a customer. And if he is a good salesman, he is interested in really helping you because he knows that you will then be a satisfied customer. And he knows that if you’re a satisfied customer, you’ll come back.
You should take advantage of this fact. The more open you are (and that includes NOT prefacing a single sentence with “Actually, I’m way too bad…” “I can’t do that at all…” “I have absolutely no idea…”), the sooner the salesperson can identify your needs and respond to them. So he can help you better.
Believe me: this also makes the salesman happy! He is not a machine with a programmed mission to squeeze your money out at any cost.
But he’ll feel good knowing he helped you find a product that meets your wants and needs – which in turn will make you feel good.
Don’t be submissive, don’t hide your light under a bushel. Entrust yourself to the salesperson and let them know whenever you feel you’ve been treated well and right.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should fool him about anything if it’s not true. If the salesperson obviously shows no interest in you at all and you don’t feel well taken care of – then don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re “not good enough” for him!
Unfortunately, there are always salespeople who haven’t understood that win-win requires two parties. If you are sensing this, then act as it suits you. Engage with the salesperson – or go to another salesperson or even another store. You are always good enough to be treated with due dignity as a customer!
The three golden rules for successful trading
The more times you’ve made purchases and the salesperson and you know each other, the smoother each deal will run. The weight of a replacement head for your snare versus buying a whole new set becomes less significant with routine.
As a newcomer, however, you first have to get up close and personal: what is your feeling, how purposefully can you ask the salesperson, how competently does he answer (or better: help) you?
You can bring virtually any deal to a good close if you follow the three golden rules to best prepare yourself. Here they are:
- Before you ask for advice on a particular model, clarify for yourself what exactly you want to do and make sure you can communicate that to the salesperson crystal clear in a short sentence. Example: “I want to get an e-drumset that I have to spend as little time programming as possible, but that is good enough in terms of feel so that I can improve as a drummer by practicing.”
- First listen to what the salesman recommends and ask how far the presented models meet your requirements (in the example: uncomplicated operation (“spartan” equipment is allowed) and high-quality trigger technology that allows authentic playing feel). Then, if necessary, bring in a set you’ve picked out beforehand and go over the pros and cons of that set with the salesperson (also comparing it to what the salesperson suggested to you, of course).
- Always listen to your gut! There may be enough “head reasons” that the proposed model makes a lot of sense. But if you can’t shake the feeling that the proposed model doesn’t suit you – for whatever reason – then don’t do it, at least for now! Take the time to think things through if you need to. And in this case, pay attention to how the salesman reacts. He should have understanding and, as a good salesman, know that you are not basically reluctant anyway. Don’t be swayed by the salesman’s reaction.
Of course, there’s also the reverse case: there’s a certain set that you really want to have. The joy of it is almost irrepressible – but pretty much all “head arguments” speak against buying this set. My personal view on this situation is: gut always goes before head – especially if you are a hobby musician and have no professional duties! But that’s for you to decide. Take the time to do it.
With this strategy, nothing stands in the way of a good deal!